So - I have made it to the 5 week mark after surgery.

I am eating actual food - which is good ... though my ability to eat much of anything is stunted considerably (I suppose that really is the point). I am thrilled to report that as of yesterday afternoon, I have hit the 50 pound mark!!

That's right, boys and girls - I am officially 50 pounds lighter than I was at Halloween this year! That is 2 pounds heavier than my (nearly) 6 year old daughter - and I can scarcely lift her ... it's bizarre to put it into those terms.

A few things I have learned are that first and foremost, I detest exercising just for the sake of exercising ... what a colassal waste of time that seems to be. I know - I know ... I have to do it, but I would far sooner tear around the house doing the magnitude of work that seems magically to appear - as if out of thin air. I still do not have enough hours in the day to do what must be done - even now that I have been off for nearly 6 weeks! Canada's Employment Insurance program has no concept of reality - absolutely none ... if they did, they would not screw with people's lives the way that they do. Here I am on my SIXTH week off and still, I have received NO MONEY! How the hell are people supposed to survive waiting this kind of time to be paid for an approved claim? At this rate, I will be back to work before I get any damned money from them - that is just not right. I mean, really - what am I supposed to do, tell my kids "oh sorry, girls ... Santa can't come this year because Mommy had 3/4 of her gut removed"? Butt Munchers!

Other than money, life is pretty good. I was able to borrow enough to get Christmas together (as best as possible) ... luckily, we have been warning the girls that since their behaviour has been spotty at best, that they best prepare themselves for a reduction in loot. I know this sounds harsh, but from this parent's perspective it's called making the most of a shitty situation ... they are getting less regardless, might as well serve some purpose - right? No worries, they'll still get plenty to open ... just less than last year is all - the whole present thing has gotten outta hand anyway.

Anyhoo - I must go and get some house work done ... we are at 4 sleeps and counting. 

Merry Christmas to you all! Take good care.

D - out

So ... I am three weeks post op today. One more week until I can begin to eat something resembling food ... eggs, soft fish, perhaps some well cooked and mashed veggies ... woot to the hoo!

I have lost a total of 38 lbs. I am NOT supposed to be weighing myself every day ... alas, I have been. I remain stuck at -38 lbs ... for the past WEEK! I am NOT impressed ... not one bit.I will point out that I have lost a total of 17 inches, though and it is quite evident that my body is undergoing some pretty big changes. Mom calls me 'the incredible shrinking woman' ... this doesn't make up for her ignoramus commentary, with which I am assaulted on a semi-regular basis, but it's something, at least.

My body is well recovered. I am able to do most everything I want (well, with the exception of eating). I have been keeping busy decorating for the holidays, cleaning the house, doing laundry and chasing after my kids. I have also been reading, and trying very hard not to allow myself to feel discouraged. I am having wicked second thoughts and doubts about what I have done to myself. (Apparently, this is common ... or so I am learning by continuing my education on this massive life style change.)

The one thing I find the most unsettling is how often I still feel hungry. I do believe that much of it comes from my brain and not from any real dietary need ... but it is bloody powerful. I am usually good until about 4:00 in the afternoon ... this begins my witching hours ... it is pretty much a continual battle of wills between myself and ... well ... myself - until I go to bed (at which point I seldom sleep very well). This is a challenge I didn't expect straight away. I figured it wouldn't be until I started eating real food again that I would be battling cravings and pseudo hunger. It blows, let me tell you.

I have not been doing the structured exercise I was supposed to be doing, though I have been very active around the house. I decided today that it would be wise to get into doing some time on the treadmill and some resistance training. I did 30 minutes on my treadmill (2 of which were jogging ... not too shabby for a fat ass like me). It actually felt surprisingly good. I must do this every day. I am supposed to be doing 60 minutes of structured, sustained exercise every day. I'm going to try to do 30 minutes with resistance bands later this afternoon. Perhaps this will kick start the pounds dropping again. I'm really only eating drinking about 700 - 800 calories per day (if that) I can't imagine why the pounds aren't flying off still. <-- it is super hard not to allow that to mess with my mind.

Anyhoosit ... I guess that is enough of an update for today. For the most part, I am full of energy and fairly happy much of the time. It is evident that the changes in my body are for the better, and THAT, after all was the ultimate goal here ... I was just hoping for the encouraging scale feedback to help fuel the desire.

Until next time, I remain ... fuckin' hungry

D