So - I have made it to the 5 week mark after surgery.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
So - I have made it to the 5 week mark after surgery.
Labels: Surgery Aftermath
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
So ... I am three weeks post op today. One more week until I can begin to eat something resembling food ... eggs, soft fish, perhaps some well cooked and mashed veggies ... woot to the hoo!
Monday, November 29, 2010
***Originally written Sunday Nov 21***
Oh man ... I do not respect wimps.
I am seriously feeling like one right now.
Finally my husband was allowed to come in. I felt much better once I knew that HE knew I was alright. My procedure didn't get started on time ... equipment failure ... and that made it necessary for me to stay under for 3 times longer than originally anticipated ... then recovery was twice as long as expected ... I had gathered some of this while coming to and hearing them talk about me all around the edges of my consciousness. So - I was highly concerned about the mental health of my spouse by the time I actually saw him.
I came home Thursday evening (Nov 18) and remained fairly miserable until Saturday, when things took a turn for the better.
***Update as of Monday November 29***
It's been nearly two weeks since my surgery. I am down 38 lbs. I have had some downs ... and surprisingly, have experienced a few doubts since having this done ... I really didn't expect that. Overall, though ... things are going very well. Last week, I got all 16 staples out of my incisions - that was interesting. I have two more weeks until my next check up and at that point, I will be able to graduate to soft foods like eggs and soft fish - I can hardly freaking wait!!
I've been painfully bored over the past two weeks, but I am very happy to report that my stamina is returning and I am able to complete many of the tasks that have been piling up around my ears. This is a very good thing. I have my sights set on being fully decorated (which means fully clean, first) by the end of this weekend. My hubs has to have surgery for Carpel Tunnel on Friday, so he'll be down and out for a spot now as well. Never rains, but it pours.
Other than that, my sister is coming home from Calgary on the 10th and I am really looking forward to having her here for Christmas. It's been a year and a half since we've seen her. I'm also toying with the idea of possibly working a bit from home for the next few weeks. I'm kind of in a "wait and see" pattern for that one.
Anyhoo ... I guess this wasn't quite so bad as it started off. My perspective is much brighter than it was.
Happy Monday, Bleeps!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
This song is by Colin Hay ... I lifted this from Fadra ... who left it on a comment to the Grasshoppa I think it says a whole lot.
Any minute now, my ship is coming in - I'll keep checking the horizon - I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing - Come crashing down down down, on me
And you say, be still my love - Open up your heart - Let the light shine in
But don't you understand - I already have a plan - I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened - But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane - I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now - Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice - I know that I can win - I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now, my ship is coming in - I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call - It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon - It's just that times are lean
And you say, be still my love - Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand - I already have a plan - I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Here I am ... 24 hours after the realization that a major, massive, monumental change is coming my way.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I have a secret. A secret I don't particularly want to share over at my usual haunt, platitude paradise.
It's dark and ugly and I guard it like a wounded child... except that I am ashamed on such a level, I can't think of it as a child ... it's just there ... and awful.
Now, as vain as this may sound, it's actually about so much more than vanity. It's about control ... or in my case, a lack thereof. I can not handle loss of control. I'm a freak that way. I have done so many different things in order to lose weight and get into better physical shape, it boggles the mind to list them. I stopped short at shock therapy ... let's leave it at that, shall we?
I had a full fuckin' page of blood work done two weeks ago, which resulted in my parting with ELEVEN vials of blood. My appointment was this morning. I am STILL sweating. It was a little on the rough side ... like the Spanish Inquisition, you know. This was the appointment that decided whether or not I am a viable candidate for the procedure ... whether I am mentally capable of dealing with life before, during and after the finer points of this little journey <--so you can see my concern, no? Whether I am physically healthy enough to tolerate it and whether I have done enough of the "before" work to be deemed worthy.
What does it mean? Well, it is highly likely that before my 38th birthday in November, I could already be on my way to a healthier, happier existence.
Man - I feel like I've committed a crime and am asking forgiveness of my peers right now... perhaps they should have looked a little closer at my psyche.
It is going to be quite a journey. I am frightened. If I said anything else, I'd be a liar. This is huge ... but it works, and I think I have covered most of the possible issues that are likely to arise.
I have spectacular support from my guy. He's worried as hell and insists that he loves me just the way I am, but since I have taken such a very long time to come to this conclusion (over 5 years), he is behind me all the way.
I am hoping I can count on you guys too. It's gonna be a long and bumpy road, but I think it will change me in a really positive way.
Whew! I feel better having shared this with you guys. Thanks!
D - out
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The shame of this has been a hirsute I have been wearing around for all the world to see - long, ugly tendrils of coarse, greasy failure.
Back in October, when making this monumental decision, we had to also determine what to do about our house. We had no equity in it due to the fact that I frantically struggled (in vain) to save us from succumbing to our creditors by refinancing and adding a second mortgage. A move that, had it worked, would have been a stroke of genius ... however, it did not - and quickly became yet another bad choice in a long line of mistakes that led us to ruin. At the onset, the "Estate Manager" for the firm we dealt with sat in front of us and looked over our information. She tallied our debts against our assets and incoming funds and came to the conclusion that we had very limited options. (Uh ... thank you, Captain Obvious!) We asked questions. A thousand or more. Questions about the length of a bankruptcy, the criteria one must meet, the reporting, the responsibility of "the bankrupt" as they now refer to us. We sat with this woman while she figured out our total net income per month and compared it to the provincial standard. We asked her: Based on this information, what is the likelihood that we will be released after the nine month period was up? She told us (on THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS) that as long as our income did not increase and we filed our paperwork and paid the monthly fees as required, we would be eligible for release after the initial 9 month period. So, we decided to keep our house (even though it is the root of the problem) as there would be only the one winter to contend with.
In April (that would be a month and a half ago for anyone keeping track) we received a letter stating that our trustee was preparing for the absolute discharge of our bankruptcy that was to occur prior to the middle of July 2010. We had been submitting our paperwork and paying the monthly fee without fail, but they were missing a couple of odds and ends that we needed to submit - which we did. Nothing that changed our income in any way but to decrease it slightly. We attended our last counseling session with our "EM" on the 27th of May ... we sat across a table from her and asked her point blank what the date of our discharge would be. She said July 12th. The woman had our entire file sitting in front of her ... had HAD our file for the past 8 solid months.
On June 10th, we received another letter in the mail from this "EM". The letter was dated May 26th. The day BEFORE our last meeting with this twat. In this letter, there was some startling news. We had surplus income. (The same as we had the day we signed the original documents) Because of said surplus income, we not only were NOT going to be discharged after the 9 month period we would now be paying DOUBLE the monthly amount for the next 12 months.
So ... to recap:
Signed banko docs Oct 2009 ... making risky decision to keep the house and suffer through for 9 months. **note, if we opt to let the house go now, we will have to file for a second bankruptcy as it can not be included in the one we are currently in ... and someone with two bankruptcies can essentially never qualify for any sort of sensible financing again ... I'm not even sure if "Tony the Tuna" lends to 2nd timers.
Was told in no uncertain terms that so long as our income did not "dramatically increase" (note the quotes) that we would qualify for the 9 month discharge.
March 2010 Our income dramatically DE-creases... after Hubs is laid off and goes to contract position.
April 2010 A letter is penned by our em/trustee stating they were in the process of preparing our discharge.
May 26, 2010 A letter is penned by our em/trustee detailing the reasons why we will not only NOT be discharged for at least another 12 months (on top of the 9 served) but that they are now doubling our monthly amount payable, but not mailed.
May 27, 2010 ... One day later, the person that supposedly wrote said letter, sits across a table from me, my husband and our youngest daughter, looks us in the eye and says we'll be done in July.
June 09, 2010 - TWO WEEKS after the latter was dated, we received it.
At this point in time, to say that I lost my mind would be somewhat of an understatement. Hubs and I sat down and mapped out every penny of income we had received since October 1st. We got it all organized in a nice neat spread sheet and forwarded it - along with copies of all the pay stubs, etc that should already have been in our file. I sent this info to our "EM" (and I can assure you I have some much more colorful names to call her than that) on Thursday, June 10/10. I followed up with a call and email on Friday, June 11/10 ... and again with an email yesterday - Monday, June 14/10. Below, you will find her email reply (which came at 4:50 pm) to my frantic pleas:
So, I uh ... lost my shit ... and this time, it was still within business hours. I called their office. It was 4:53pm. I was told that the office closes at 5:00pm and that I would need to call back during business hours. (R U FUCKING KIDDING ME???) I said "funny, my watch clearly indicates 4:53pm. There are 7 minutes left of your business day, and I want to speak to someone that can explain to me how your firm's gross negligence in performing their end of my bankruptcy can somehow have a lasting, negative effect on my financial health?"
So I was put on hold. When someone finally picked up, he did not identify himself and he was taking a pretty hard line with me. Given the fact that I was sitting about 3 degrees under homicidal, it wasn't his smartest decision of the day. Turns out he was one of the firm's trustees. He actually (to my surprise, in fact) changed his tune fairly quickly after I launched on him like a fat camp detainee on a smorgasbord. Honestly, I felt like an idiot the way I was ranting and raving - but the reality remains that they have fucked us over pretty good here.
We left it at him looking at our file first thing in the morning and getting back to me by phone the next day ... that would be today. (Alas, my phone has not borne such fruit to this point.) I drove home last evening in a fit of rage. I do not recall the drive. I do not recall anything save the blood red curtain that descended over my vision. When I got home, I walked in and Hubs was standing there waiting for me - I had sent him the email from the trustee. He started to talk and then after one glance at me, opened his arms where I promptly dissolved into a sputtering geyser of tears.
It was not a nice evening in my house.
This morning, after a highly restless night, I came into work to face a mountain of bullshit of Narci's making. I've been feeling like flinging myself into a wood chipper for most of the past 12 - 15 hours. I know that there are many, much worse scenarios in a lifetime to overcome, but this was blatantly THEIR fault. This delay would mean we will not qualify to renegotiate our mortgage when it renews - which means continuing at much higher payments than otherwise necessary. It means we can't replace our car - which is in really rough shape and is 11 years old. It means that I have to break a promise to my kids regarding a trip we were going to take this summer.
It sucks ... donkey balls.
Then ... I am on the phone with Hubs and another email comes in from our "EM":
So ... I am left with the overwhelming feeling that they did, in fact, fuck up... and we caught them. Does that passage not smack of "blah blah blah ... it's not our fault ... blah blah blah ... but since you are being such a bitch about it, we'll tweak this and adjust that and ...VOILA!!! You are discharged? It's funny, yesterday the comment was "but there are rules" and today it's more like "well ... rules - schmules". I can't help thinking if I hadn't reacted the way I did, we'd not only be in for another 12 months, but very likely paying double what we've been paying for the past 9. (An amount that would go a long way toward a decent mortgage payment, by the way... money that is paid NOT to my creditors - no, no ... to the trustee)
It goes to show you - there are a horrifying number of "professionals" in our world that don't know their arses from a hole in the ground. The general populace NEEDS to educate themselves. I am literally trembling in my drawers at how close this has come to financial annihilation.
It would seem we are back in the clear ... today. I won't rest overly easy until we have that paper in our possession. Putting my immediate future in the hands of such people has been harrowing to say the very least.